Chocolate with Quirks
by Everything Entertainment
Summary: In another BNHA X Spongebob parody of the episode "Chocolate with Nuts", Kaminari and Kirishima decide to become entrepreneurs and sell chocolate bars so that they can live fancifully. This new business venture, however, seems to backfire as their attempts at selling chocolate only leads to shenanigans (i.e. a con man and a chocolate-loving maniac).


**A/N: In honor of Stephen Hillenburg (1967-2018), the creator of Spongebob and Stan Lee (1922-2018), the innovator of Marvel Comics. I do not own BNHA or Spongebob Squarepants. Read and Review.**

The day started off as normal as the students and teachers of U.A. High School attended classes so that the wannabe heroes would build themselves up to become professionals among the ranks of Pro-Heroes All Might and Eraserhead. Every day a mailman would come by to drop off mail for the receivers to sort out amongst themselves. One mailman on this particular day is making his scheduled delivery to the school as he came up to the P.O. boxes in the student dormitories. As he opened one P.O. box in particular, a certain Electric-quirk character's head popped out of the box.

"HI MAILMAN!" greeted Denki Kaminari, scaring the mailman, causing him to drop the mail in his hands and run away in fear. "Okay! See you tomorrow!"

Kaminari then pulled himself out of the P.O. box that he somehow fit himself into, just as his friend Eijiro Kirishima, the Hardening-quirk hero trainee, came up to him. "Hey, the mail's here. What did we get?"

"Let's see... Midoriya, Yaoyorozu, Sato, Todoroki, Asui--Hey, a magazine!" beamed Kaminari as he found a magazine titled "Fancy Living Digest."

"'Fancy Living Digest?' Is that one of Mineta's new porno magazines?" Kirishima asked naïvely.

"No, I think it's one of those rich people magazines about rich people or something. I wonder who subscribed to this." Kaminari pondered.

"Definitely somebody else in our school." Kirishima surmised.

Kaminari flipped through the magazine as he and Kirishima gawked at the dozens of pictures of millionaires and billionaires doing what millionaires and billionaires normally do. "Now that's what I call First Class. This guy's so rich he's got a swimming in his swimming pool."

"He's got shoes." Kirishima said in awe as he pointed to rich guy's shoes.

Suddenly, an swift hand snatches the magazine from Kaminari's hands as the true owner of the reclaims his mail.

"Give me that! Stealing my mail, eh, 1-A scum? You're lucky I'm not reporting you to the police." said the owner, who turns out to be Neito Monoma of Class 1-B, Class 1-A's rival class.

"Oh, hey, Monoma. How's Tetsutetsu doing?" Kirishima asked politely.

"Fine, better than you would ever be, Kirishima." sneered Monoma.

"I knew it! If Tetsutetsu think he's gonna be manlier than me, he's gotta another thing coming!" The Harden-quirk teen smiled in determination as he thought of besting his rival.

"Say, Monoma, how do all those rich people in that magazine get all that money?" asked the Electric-quirk trainee.

"Well, in case you Class 1-A plebes didn't know, they're entrepreneurs, they sell stuff to people; stuff that people want to buy. Now keep your dirty hands off my mail." Monoma said bluntly as he walked away with his magazine.

"You know what, Kirishima, I think Monoma just gave me an idea." Kaminari said as he snapped his fingers as a thought came to him. "I got it! We should become entrepreneurs and sell stuff to people!"

"Is that gonna hurt?" Kirishima asked concernly.

"Quick, Kirishima, without thinking! If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?" Kaminari asked quickly.

"Uhh... more time for thinking? No, wait! We should sell them manliness! Yeah, lots of manliness!" Kirishima suggested as he showed off his physical prowess.

"No, like a physical item, something you would pay for." Kaminari said specifically.

"A chocolate bar?" The shark-toothed teen asked.

"That's a great idea! We'll be traveling chocolate bar salesman!" Kaminari proclaimed. "To the supermarket!"

"Awesome! But first we need a license." Kirishima said enthusiastically, which immediately struck a chord with Kaminari.

"Oh, yeah... and we also have school. Let's just wait until Saturday." The Electric-quirk boy said sheepishly.

 **Saturday**

Later that weekend, after getting their Vendor's License, the two boys walked out of the supermarket with two shopping carts full of chocolate bars with intent to sell them to the public.

"All right, Kirishima, now that we have the legal right to sell chocolate, it's Fancy Living or bust!" Kaminari said with a gleam in his eye.

"Make way for a couple of auntré-penooers!" Kirishima said excitedly while mispronouncing 'entrepreneurs.'

The duo walked a few blocks before finding an apartment building that was perfect for selling chocolate to the tenants that lived there.

"This is it, Kirishima. Our first step to living fancy! Just follow my lead." Kaminari demonstrated by knocking on the first apartment door.

The door opens up as the person who answered was revealed to be Mello from Death Note in a casual cameo. "Oh, hey. Can I help you with something?"

"You sure can, sir. Could we interest you in some chocolate?" Kaminari asked politely as he held up a chocolate bar.

"Chocolate? Did you say chocolate?" Mello said, whose eyes widened intensely.

"Yes, sir, with or without nuts." Kirishima offered as he held up both bars in each hand.

"Chocolate? CHOCOLATE?!" Mello yelled as his voice became louder and his tone grew angrier. **"CHOCOLATE!!! CHOCOLATE!!! CHOCOLATE!!!"**

Kaminari and Kirishima backed away slowly before running down the hallway while Mello gave chase.

"Run, run, run, run, RUN!!" Kirishima yelled as he and Kaminari ran for their lives as Mello screamed and chased after them.

 **"CHOOOOCOLAAAATTE!!!!"**

 **Later...**

"Man, that guy was scary. Good thing he didn't follow us onto the next floor when we got into the elevator." Kirishima sighed with relief.

"Yeah, that first guy didn't count. THIS is our first step." Kaminari reiterated as he knocked on the next door.

The door opens up to reveal another stranger (which turned out to be Dabi wearing Groucho glasses) who looked down at the duo. "Yeah, what do you want?"

"Good morning, sir, would you like to buy some chocolate?" Kaminari asked courteously.

"Chocolate bars, huh?" The disguised Dabi smiled wickedly as he thought of a way to deceive the two U.A. students.

"Yes, sir, we're chocolate bar salesmen." beamed Kirishima.

Dabi chuckled as he spoke with a friendly demeanor. "Oh, a couple of mediocre salesmen. I can tell, you seem to be having trouble carrying your merchandise."

"Well, our hands are a little full..." Kaminari pondered as he looked at his arms, which were filled with candy bars.

"You two wanna be good salesmen, correct?" Dabi asked.

"Oh, most certainly, sir!" The boys said gleefully.

"I thought so. No self-respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these." Dabi said as he pulled out an orange bag.

"What is it?" Kaminari asked.

"It's a candy bar bag. It's specifically designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort." The masked villain showed the two boys as the latter were completely enamoured by the device. "But I'm wasting my time. You don't need these bags."

"WE NEED THEM! WE NEED THEM!" The boys begged, which brought a dubious grin on Dabi's face.

After paying for the bags and then packing their chocolate in each bag, Denki and Eijiro went on their merry way.

"Good luck, boys. Happy hunting." Dabi called out to the duo as he counted the money. "Heh-heh, suckers."

"Fancy living! Here we come! La, la, la, la, laaa!" Kaminari and Kirishima sang as they walked to the next apartment.

"Let's try next door." said Kaminari as the latter knocked on the door.

The door opens as a familiar face appeared in the doorway; it was Dabi once wearing, still donning his comical disguise. "Hello?" said Dabi.

"Hey, weren't you the same guy next door?" The Electric boy inquired.

"What do you mean? I've never seen you before." Dabi replied with innocence.

"Yeah, you did, you sold us these candy bar bags." Kirishima implied.

"Hmm... I don't recall. But it looks to me like you two have got a lot of bags there." Dabi observed as he pulled put two larger red bags. "You two wouldn't be caught without my patented candy bar bag carrying bags."

Kirishima and Kaminari exchanged glances as the Hardening boy replied without hesitation. "We'll take twenty."

 **Apartment Rooftop**

Eijiro and Denki later climbed up to the top of the apartment building in hopes of finding a Pro Hero on patrol who might be willing to buy their chocolate.

"You see anyone yet, Eijiro?" Kaminari asked as he scanned the area with a pair of binoculars.

"Nope," replied Kirishima as he used a pair of binoculars to look around as well. He then sees the Pro Hero Mt. Lady towering over the buildings as she walked by them. "Hey, look! It's Mt. Lady!"

"All right! She's gotta be hungry after patrolling the city for so long. Hand me the flare gun." Kaminari said as Kirishima gave him a flare which he uses to shoot up into the air to get the giant Pro Hero's attention.

Mt. Lady turned as she saw the signal flare light up over the apartment building. She strolled over to the building, wondering if someone on the rooftop was in danger. "Are you boys all right? Do you help getting down from the roof?" She asked concernly.

"We're okay, Mt. Lady. We're selling chocolate bars and we were just wondering if you would like to buy some." Denki offered.

"Oh, is that all? That sounds heavenly! I'll take one!" Mt. Lady replied sweetly.

"Okay, one chocolate bar coming up." said Kaminari as he zipped open a red bag and pulled out a smaller orange bag. He opens the orange bag, only to pull out another orange bag.

Confused, Kaminari opens the orange bag and pulls another from that one. "Eijiro, how many bags did we buy?"

"I dunno, a lot, I guess." Kirishima assumed.

Kaminari glanced up at Mt. Lady and laughed nervously as he opened the orange bag and pulled out another. With every orange bag he opens, he continuously opens more bags which were stuffed with bags upon bags upon bags.

"Come on, it's gotta be in here!" Denki said with slight aggravation. Meanwhile, Kirishima took off his pants and started zipping and unzipping the pants for no reason.

"I don't have time for this," Mt. Lady sighed impatiently as she went on with her patrol.

Finally, after zipping through multiple bags, Kaminari finally found the candy bar. "I got it! One chocolate bar for Mt.--"

 **"CHOOOOCOLAAAATTE!!!!"**

"...Lady." Denki frowned as Mello had began to chase the two boys again.

 **"CHOOOOCOLAAAATTE!!! CHOOOOCOLAAAATTE!!!"**

 **Diner**

"We're not doing so good, Kirishima," Kaminari said exhaustively as he and his friend sat at a booth in a nearby diner. "We need to find a new tactic if we're gonna be living fancy."

"Being an entrepreneur is harder than it looks." Kirishima groaned when a thought came to him. "I know! Let's get naked!"

"Nah, let's save that for when we're selling real estate." Kaminari replied to the Hardening-quirk trainee's innane solution. "Remember when we bought those bags from that weird guy who looked kinda familiar?"

"He said we were mediocre." Kirishima said.

"It's because he made us feel special. He knew how to flatter us and that's why we bought those bags." Denki surmised.

"Yeah, he did... I'M GOING BACK TO BUY MORE BAGS!" Kirishima beamed with excitement as he was about to run out of the diner.

"Wait! Eijiro!" Kaminari shouted which stopped the Hardening-quirk boy in his tracks. "Why don't we try being nice?"

"Oh, okay." Kirishima smiled in agreement.

 **Back at the Apartment Building...**

The two students continued their door-to-door adventure as they approached the next door. "Remember Kirishima, just give the customer a some of your charm; make him feel good." instructed Kaminari.

"Right, got'cha." Kirishima nodded as he knocked on the apartment door.

The door opens as Saitama from One Punch Man (another cameo) appeared in the doorway. "Hello?"

"I love you." Kirishima said with a cringey smile on his face. The creeped out Saitama almost immediately slams the door in front of the red-haired boy.

"Uhh, that was a little too direct, Kiri, let me try." said the blond-haired boy as he knocked on the door.

"Who is that at the door, Master?" said a voice that was heard from inside the apartment.

"Just some creepy kids hanging out in the hallway. One of them just said that he loved me for no reason." said Saitama from the other side of the door.

"Shall I redirect them from your presence?" asked the second voice.

"I dunno, they probably want something." The bald man replied.

The door opened again as a cyborg named Genos answered the door, with his roommate standing behind him. "Yes, may I help you?"

"Hi, sorry to bother you, but we were just wondering how you're doing today." Kaminari said politely.

"How we are doing?" Genos replied.

"Eh, fine, I guess." The bald man said nonchalantly.

"Wanna buy some chocolate?" offered Kaminari.

"Chocolate? Oh, sure I might buy some." Saitama said as he reached into his coin purse.

"WE GOT HIM NOW!!" Kirishima shouted ecstatically.

"I am sorry, but I am afraid we must decline," Genos rejected with a formal, robotic tone. "Chocolate has high-sugar content and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Wouldn't you agree, young man?"

"Hey! I'll have you know that MY bubbles are manly!" Kirishima retorted as he lifted his shirt to show bubbles forming on his stomach. "Hehe, it tickles."

"Come on, Genos, it's just a little bit of chocolate." Saitama said reasonably.

"Master, it is important that we stick to our daily diet so that we can remain fit." The cyborg replied as he pulled out a pamphlet and gave it to Kirishima. "If you young men are interested, I recommend reading this pamphlet about dieting. You may keep it for five yen."

"I'll take ten!" The Harden-quirk boy said eagerly, pulling out a fat stack of yen.

Kaminari sighed as he and Kirishima walked down the hall. "It's been hours and we still haven't sold one chocolate bar. I think we're getting too distracted."

"Huh..." said an absent-minded Kirishima as he read through one of the pamphlets he bought.

"From now on, we gotta stay focused when we start selling at the next apartment." proclaimed Kaminari.

"What?" Kirishima muttered.

"Let's shake on it." Denki said as he extended his hand to indicate a handshake.

"Did you say something?" Kirishima asked.

"Remember, Kirishima, focus." The Electric boy said as he knocked on the next door.

A man opens up and steps into the doorway. "Yes?"

"Good afternoon, sir. We're selling chocolate bars, would you--" Kaminari pauses as he notices Kirishima staring at the man with long bulgy eyes. "Dude, what are you doing?"

"Focusing..." The shark-toothed boy kept staring at the man, which made the latter feel uneasy.

The man backs away from the doorway as Kirishima's eyes stretched out and followed him. "Back off, Jack!"

"Back up, jack!" The man slams the door on Kirishima, who's eyes got caught in the frame.

"OW!" shouted Kirishima while his eyes still kept functioning as he the scanned the interior of the apartment. "Nice place you got here."

 **Later on the apartment rooftop...**

The boys sat on the rooftop as Kaminari contemplated to himself. "I don't get it. What are we doing wrong here?"

"I don't get anything either." Kirishima commented.

"There must be something to this selling game. Even the Pro-Heroes do it, I mean look at that!" exclaimed Kaminari as he pointed to a billboard that advertised Pro-Hero Jeanist's brand of denim jeans.

"'Wear Best Jeanist's Jeans; They're the Best!'" Eijiro read from the billboard.

"They're most certainly not the best!" said Kaminari.

"I beg to differ," Kirishima retorted as he ripped his pants off to reveal a pair of Best Jeanist's Jeans that he wore under his current pair of pants. "THESE PANTS ARE MANLY!"

"My point exactly..." Denki said while staring at his friend blankly. "That guy sells a million pairs of jeans per day, and they're not even good in quality."

"Well, maybe if the advertisers didn't stretch the truth they wouldn't sell as many." surmised Kirishima.

Just then, an epiphany immediately came to Kaminari. "That's it, Kirishima! We gotta stretch the truth--"

 **"CHOOOOCOLAAAATTE!!!!"**

"Oh, come on! Leave us alone already!!" cried Kaminari as he and Kirishima bolted as Mello gave chase once again.

 **Later...**

"Okay, so here's the plan: We'll work as a team. I'll keep the customer warmed up and you go in for the kill." Kaminari explained as he and Kirishima went up to the next apartment.

"The kill..." Kirishima said intently.

Kaminari knocked on the door as an old lady opened up. "Yes?" She asked.

"Hello, young lady," The Electric-quirk boy greeted in a smooth-talking manner while Kirishima giggled. "We're selling chocolate. Is your mother home?"

"MOM!" The old lady yelled as an older, more decrepit old woman in a wheelchair came up to the doorway.

"What? What! What's all that yelling?!" She shouted, as the two boys gave awkward stares at the older lady. "You just can't wait for me to die, can you?"

"They're selling chocolate." said the older woman's daughter.

"Chocolate?" The mother inferred.

"Yeah!" The daughter replied loudly.

"What? What are they selling?!" yelled the mother, who could barely hear her daughter.

"Chocolate!" shouted the daughter.

"What?"

"Chocolate!"

"I can't hear you!!"

"THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATE!!!" The daughter yelled at the top of her lungs.

"They're selling chocolate?" The mother replied.

"YEAH!" shouted the younger old lady.

"Chocolate... I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate," The mother said dreamily before changing her sentimental tone to that of a bitter disposition. "I always hated it!"

"Uhh, this chocolate's not for eating, it's for..." Kaminari explained as he tried to think of a clever pitch.

"You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever!" Kirishima said.

"No, no, no, no, no...!" The daughter implored silently.

"Live forever, you say? I'll take one!" The mother accepted as the daughter face-palmed herself as she exchanged money for a bar of chocolate. "Come on you lazy Mary, start rubbing me with that chocolate!"

The daughter then shot an angry glare at Kaminari and Kirishima. "I hate you..." She whispered before slamming the door shut.

"Yes! We did it! If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be living fancy in no time!" Kaminari exclaimed happily.

"I never thought I would say this, but hooray for lying!" beamed Kirishima.

The two boys' half-brained scheme seems to be working as they go around the apartment building on every floor selling their chocolate like it was an enterprise. At one apartment, they convinced one tenant that their chocolate would grow hair; in another apartment, they would say that eating chocolate would make them smarter. Eventually, they would go to almost every apartment in the building, coming up with every exaggerated truth they could think of to sell more chocolate. They finally reach another apartment door as they came up with another idea.

"This'll be the best lie yet! This guy will feel so sorry, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!" Kaminari grinned as he and his shark-toothed friend were covered in bandages and hoisted themselves with crutches.

"I dunno, this seems a little insensitive, Denki." Kirishima said admittedly.

"Come on, it's not like we're offending anybody. What could go wrong." scoffed Kaminari as he knocked on the door of the apartment.

The door cracked open slightly as a man peeked through. "Hello? What can I do for you boys?" The man said weakly.

"Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation." Kaminari lied.

"Really? Hm, what a small world." said the man as he opened the door all the way as he is revealed to have a full-body cast and a respirator mask connected to a oxygen tank. "What seems to be the matter with you two?"

The man's appearance surprised the two boys, which brought out an awkward tension from them. "Umm, we've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding." Denki replied.

"Some guys have all the luck," The man sighed weakly. "I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every morning I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep."

Kaminari and Kirishima were on the verge of tears from hearing this injured man's backstory when he suddenly falls forward. The Harden-quirk boy catches the man in his arms, preventing the poor soul from hurting himself. Nevertheless, the man groaned with severe pain.

"Quick! Let's get him inside!" ordered Kaminari as they take the invalid man back into his apartment. "Okay, just put him on the couch gently."

Kirishima does so as the man kept groaning in agony. "You okay, man? Do we need to call an ambulance?" The red-haired boy asked concernly.

"No, it's alright. This happens to me all the time." The man insisted.

"You poor man," Kaminari said sympathetically. "Is there anything we can do for you?"

"Well, there is one thing," The man explained. "For obvious reasons, my medical bills are extremely high. But, fortunately, I'm able to keep myself alive by selling... chocolate bars."

The boys look over in the corner of the living room where stacks of wooden crates filled with chocolate bars are kept.

"You want us to sell more chocolate?" Kaminari asked.

"If it'll help you get the care you need, then we'll buy all of your chocolate!" affirmed Kirishima.

"Really? Oh, how thoughtful of you." thanked the injured man.

"Here," Kaminari sighed as he took out all the money that he and Kirishima collected from selling chocolate and handed it the man. "I'm not sure if it's enough to pay your bills, but it's still enough pay for the chocolate."

"Just set on the nightstand over there." said the man as Denki puts the money on the nightstand. Kirishima and Kaminari proceed to pick up the crates as they left the apartment.

"Such nice boys." The man then gave a sinister smile. "It does my heart good to con a couple of Class-A suckers like those two."

The man almost immediately got up from the couch as he unzipped his disguise and he revealed himself to be Dabi dressed as an invalid. He counted the money left on the nightstand as he picked up thr phone and called someone. "Hey, Tomura, change of plans. We're eating out tonight."

 **Meanwhile with Kaminari and Kirishima...**

"Don't get me wrong, Kirishima, it's great that helped that guy out and all," Denki said as he carried his crate full of chocolate. "But I don't think there's anyone else that we can sell chocolate to in this entire building."

"Don't worry, Kaminari, maybe somebody else in town will buy our chocolate." Kirishima said assuringly.

Kaminari drops the crate and sits on it as he sulked in defeat. "Nah, it wouldn't matter. We still wouldn't have enough money to earn to actually have fancy living. Let's face it, man, we suck."

"I can live with that." Kirishima replied as he dropped his crate and sat on it. "Being an entrepreneur wasn't my calling anyway."

"Let's just change our names to 'Why' and 'Bother.'" Denki sighed dejectedly.

Suddenly, Mello appeared behind the two boys as he bellowed his threatening mantra, scaring the latter in the process. **"CHOOOOCOLAAAATTE!!!!!!"**

"No, please, don't hurt us!" pleaded Kaminari while he embraced Kirishima in fear.

"We're just kids! What do you want from us?!" cried Kirishima as he held onto Kaminari in return.

Mello laughed maniacally. "FINALLY!! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I've got you where I want you..."

He then pulls out an extremely large pile of cash as his psychotic tone shifted to a calmer voice. "I'd like to buy all your chocolate."

The boys froze as chocolate bars came pouring out of Kirishima's pants until all that was left was a little chocolate kiss. They both fainted as a flood of relief overwhelmed them.

"Thank you for your patronage." Kaminari said wearily.

After giving away all of their chocolate to their highest-paying customer, Kaminari and Kirishima walked triumphantly as the Hardening boy carried all of the profits in a wheelbarrow.

"Are we living the fancy life yet, Kaminari?" Eijiro asked.

"Not yet," said the Electric boy. "First, we gotta spend all the money."

"But what are we gonna spend it on?" Kirishima asked.

"I think I have an idea..." thought Kaminari.

 **Fancy Restaurant**

Neito Monoma was dressed sharply as he came up to the waiter standing at the podium in the lobby. "Good evening, sir. Table for one, please."

"I'm sorry, sir, but the whole restaurant has been booked for a private event." said the waiter.

"But it's my only night to be fancy. Who would be able to afford to rent out the whole restaurant?" Monoma demanded.

"Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs... and their dates." The waiter replied.

Meanwhile in the dining area, Kaminari and Kirishima were sitting at a table with the older lady and her daughter from before having dinner with them.

"So, how long have you two known each other?" Kaminari asked the old ladies.

"What? What did he say?" The mother asked her daughter, who just had a blank stare on her face.


End file.
